Starved for Motivation

Wouldn't it be so great if there was log of emotions tagged with time stamps neatly maintained in a database? You could easily query the database to find if you are in general a happy person or a very sad one. One can argue that you should know that already, but I feel people suffer from a great deal of retrospective distortion. We tend to retain memories selectively with the bias stemming from unexplainable "bottom line" experience from the incident or place or time. It is therefore impossible to make any unbiased conclusions from one's own collection of memories.

If there was such a database, one thing, that I would like to understand using it would be the source of my motivation. Its almost stupid how can work endless number of hours to achieve the most futile of objectives and at other times, the mountain of the most important things could be staring me in my face and I would just stare it back. The more funny thing is I don't feel anything at such a moment no worry, no fear, no excitement.

Perhaps writing this blog can bring back some motivation to me.

Perception

This week has been a little less ordinary than the usual.Of course I can write about the trivial details about how my work at office got appreciated and How I am going to be moving into a new apartment and all that is really not that important.

You know how life sometimes bogs you down and makes you feel pathetic, the beginning of the last week was just like that. As I enter the new week today, not much has changed about my life - in- fact but in terms of perception a lot has.

Three experiences really add up to causing this change of perception.

The first one is something that is happening to a friend of mine. She is at the crossroads in her life, where she has to choose between her family and her love, well not really choose. The choice has been made, she just has to convince the other party that what she has chosen, is for the best. Regardless of what choice she has made, the very act of presenting her case to people who have assumed and expected the exact opposite from her isn't going to be easy. If I rewind my whole life ,with all the decisions that I have had to take and all the impossible pleas that I have had to present, There is not a single decision or plea which can even remotely compare to the magnitude what she is facing today. Suddenly my life seems so simple to me, so very straight forward.

The second one is the two books that I have been reading. "Devil Wears Prada" and "All Quiet on the Western Front". Both the books are about young people who have got themselves jobs that they dont like or deserve. They both complain that there work is too demanding. ( for those who have read these books I know I am trivialising, I apologize but all this is to prove a point). In short they hate their jobs. I on the other hand, have been fortunate enough to have a job, that well, I dont really hate. I havent come to the stage where I begin loving what I do. As I find ( discover or invent) more meaning and reason attached to my occupation, I might even get there one day. As of now, it does what its meant to be doing, Keep me occupied.

The Third and Last one are two movies that I recently saw, "The Last Lear" and "The Freedom Writers". The movies were completely different in their approach and conclusions. While one delved into the importance of art over the man, the other into the message of "Dream On, Dream On, Dream On till your dreams come true" . To me, there was an underlying similarity. Both this films were about individuals driven by passion. Passion for what they think, they ought to do. Passion that was so overwhelming and strong that though it gave them success in their endeavors, it wrecked everything else that held their life together. Am I ready to pay such a price ? If yes then What is it that I shall direct this passion towards. This is a question that I need to answer. The challenge that is going to keep me thinking and alive.

Today

Gone are the times when i had theories ready to explain the past and plans ready to face the future.Today i am uncertain, a little scared and a whole lot bored. Life isnt as exciting as it used to be and normally under these circumstances i would just quit and start doing what i really want to do. But today i am tied once again with the ropes of expectation. The time has finally come when I am on my own and can start to marginally support my family. Situation demands me to be pragmatic but when in hell or heavens, have i been "pragmatic".

Today i feel ordinary and i absolutely hate it.

No Dues Certificate

This is the one and only time when i put something official on my blog, but perhaps because it has become pretty much of a personal agenda for me.

The No Dues procedure till last year was very tedious, and called for each graduating student to get as many as 30 signatures and most of the times for no reason.It was therefor my agenda to get rid of this ridiculous procedure.After about a month of struggle and tens of meetings the idea was approved by the director and an office order was released to revamp the procedure.

The central idea is the point no.5 in the office order, that no student needs to get any signatures from anybody or for that matter we do not need any no dues certificate to get a degree.Instead it is now the responsibility of the administration to check their records and bring to declare if there are any demands against our name. Only once the list is declared if there are dues against your name, you ll have to clear them.

FAQ

1.So do i have to stay till 27 May to make sure that i m done with this place ?

No the idea is that by default there are no dues against you,by the time you finish your BTP eval your hall,dept and library would already have prepared a list of defaulters see if your name figures there... if yes clear your dues and leave.

2.My department has given me a form to get signatures, what do i do ?

Well clearly they are not following the office order if they are doing this, remind them gently about this order.If they still dont agree technically it is their responsibility to send demands if any against your name to academic section,and after that if dont submit the form there will be no action against you.

I cant think of any more questions right now, if you have them pls write them in as comments, i ll be glad to reply.

Some Questions that suma asked along with the answers :

Q1. By when do we have to clear the dues?

You can clear the dues anytime beginning right now. Bul lets go into a lil bit more detail :

1) Hall : will stop mess on 30th April and shud be ready with the account in 5 days. They are expected to put up a notice in their respective notice boards abt the dues. So u look at the notice and pay the requisite amount.

2) Dept : the work stops on the day of BTP eval so 5 days from then

3) Library : Many students return their books after GVs and evals to officially they will not compile any list before 20th May although you can check ur own account and leave if u have no dues.

4) Gymkahana, HMC ,NCC,NSS : usually they dont have demand against any student, the only possible case is if u have not returned a trophy or if their was a fine against u (usually a punishment in a DC) , if u think u fall into these categories then check once. But most of you dont.

Q2. Do we have to clear dues separately at different locations or at one place, like the cash section in case of library fines?

All dues are cleared centrally at SBI bank. Their is a special form though which will be available at all these loactions as well as in cash section.

Q3. We get the dues against us if any, we dont pay, and leave the institute. Since the different sections mentioned will take time processing the data, we'll be gone till the 20th of May. What happens then?

You are expected to pay within the following seven days. You can perhaps ask some of ur friends who might be staying back to pay for you.

Q4. Even if they keep my degree, i can still get a provisional one and run away right? [:P]

Yes !! Absolutely [:)]

Demos

I have always held the belief that we as human beings arent really looking to achieve anything, all we want is a phoney objective to motivate ourselves into one direction or another.The thing that matters is the journey and perhaps the reflections afterward.I say this with a third persons' observation both of myself(with all my irrepresible whims) and the world in general.All this time all i wanted was some time for myself...and now that i finally have it i tend to waste it in incovievably ridiculous ways .Never the less what i adore about today is the fact that i have returned to my blog,which is as deserted and desolate as myself.

It is no secret that i love to speak.The sheer beauty of articulation, the expression of ideas and ideals while capturing the most abstract of thoughts succintly in a sentence, has always kept me excited about speaking.Probably even the process of writing for me is accompanied with the mental imagery of a crowd reacting to every phrase that i utter.

Following is an article I wrote for the campus newpaper, Scholars Avenue. Though it has been written keeping Kharagpur and its dynamics in mind, the morale of the article applies to every domacratic organisation. Here Goes ...

A college in Chennai fined two of its students on grounds of indiscipline.The said “indiscipline” was that one of the students was a female and the two students were sitting together.Hundreds of engineering colleges in South India have uniforms and despite being a very unpopular decision among students, it still holds. Hundreds of colleges in India have a ban on students moving out of their residential colleges at all.Many of them lock their hostel gates after 10 'o clock. The point of stating all this is for us to first understand that we are indeed living in a very liberal environment. When it comes to treating students like human beings, Indian colleges fare very badly and Indian engineering colleges come at the bottom of this pyramid.Our institute gives us the

opportunity to appreciate the concept of democracy. In my one year as VP, TSG, I have realized that our institute has always given an attentive ear whenever a reasonable demand has been made by the students. Within the constraints of administrative policies, problems and perspective, steps have always been taken to make students' life better.One must realize that students move straight out of high school and enter this deserted island we proudly call IIT Kharagpur. As they graduate, they knock the doors of the big bad corporate world.Therefore it becomes essential that apart from the curriculum of Engineering and Science, one learns the liberal social sciences, languages and culture and amongst other things, the power of the institution of democracy. The very democracyfor which millions of Indians sacrificed their lives.

The power of democracy does notlie on the elected few, but in the 'Demos' or the people. Therefore if you feel something is going wrong, take up the responsibility and set it right. Recently a few students approached me, saying the restaurant owners in KGP do not behave well with the students. As a result, I took up the issue and called a meeting of all restaurant owners. If more such complaints are brought,serious action can be taken against these owners and certainly the situation will improve.

Similarly if you feel the candidates are not performing, don't follow any blind trend, judge by yourself and vote him in. Nobody can stop you from voting who you want to. If you feel the entire approach to the elections is wrong, wait for the next hall elections and make it an issue then.Make the candidates in the hall elections realize what your opinions are. How you think elections should be contested? Having been a candidate myself, I can assure you that the points raised by people during elections stay in t h e mi n d o f t h e e l e c t e d representative. Not just this, if you feel the right candidate is not being supported, demand an explanation.Take this matter up with the hall president.

The conclusion of all this is simple. As long as you sleep in your rooms, you do not have the right to demand things on a platter. Its only when you stand up to yourself that things will begin to change in your town.

Dil Dosti etc

Two characters distinct in their persona,values and upbringing come together in the bond of frienship.One with a bihari lineage behind him, marked by social ethos and stigma.Rooted in the deep indian middle class values and the belief that doing good things would bring good things back.The other brought up in Delhi, the ever cynical pseudo intellectual bastard.As time progressed both moved towards success in their lives.At one point their path crossed the bihari threatened to kill the delhi boy and then he died.

Does this in anyway signify the triumh of the cynic, the shallow over the romantic and passionate soul?Is it a mirror of the present day society ?Wat if it signifies something far greater meaning that the struggle is not between two sections of society physically seperable but in the mind of a living and confused human being? Is the bihari still very sure of losing.

A poem i wrote a long time ago

Many a battle have been fought and lost
Many a warrior have died in vain
but none have lost their soul
as i walk through this blooded battle field
I question not the tyrant who killed me
but my own conviction,my own thought and above all my reason

Was it worthy to follow my dream